October 23rd, 2003…
A fire inside
Prelude:
Couldn’t concentrate all day, I just was overwhelmed. I was imagining what I was going to say as I approached each member, dumbfounded. Finally, 3:05 rolled around and when I got home I blasted the art of drowning, applied some extra makeup, gathered my wallet- ticket too, and headed out the door frantically, I was late. I met at Lindsay’s house, where Anna and Rachel were hanging downstairs playing drums. I raided the house of wheat thins and strolled around in the kitchen checking in w/ my best friend Elisa and telling her sorry she couldn’t make it and that we were leaving in 10 minutes. Rachel, Anna, and I hung outside in the street drawing on the pavement and throwing stuff and their neighbor Ron. Haha! After dying her hair, Lindz put in the art of drowning, why franny told me that she had never turned to dust (inside joke, Wester), Lindz stumbled into the kitchen to finish her left over pasta, and me and franny discussed eyeliner tips.
In the car:
While examining Franny’s hairbrush for her brothers hair strands (beast.), she yammered on about his ball warmers he used after surfing. About a block away we picked up Brianna, and talked about rancid until we reached the highway: “We HAVE TO STOP AT WENDYS!!!” I exclaimed, and then a burst of laughter and debate fallowed, eventually, we all stopped for fry’s. How cool is this? In the same night I will not only be in the presence of Davey Havok, Hunter Burgan, Adam Carson, and Jade Puget, but also the cute hamburger flipper, Brendan…appropriately named “Stalker” for *cough* obvious reasons. I whipped out my ticket, and repeated a few witty remarks like “afi on a Thursday night?” to show off in front of the “Wendy’s guy”, but I was just kidding, im not that stupid. Back in the car, Rick (Lindz’s dad) rambled on about “I remember a long time ago I saw the grateful dead!” but franny kept rudely reminding him that he’s told us this story a thousand times. The talk in the car of college radio jobs and concerts drifted to the back of my mind, while I dreamed of tonight, only 30 minutes away.
Stevens Creek Boulevard:
“To the lovely dancing lights, I begged may I cut in?” –AFI
The corporate business buildings and fluorescent buzzing lights filled up the night, replacing the stars and making an almost exotic metropolis vibe drifting off the pavement…either that or I was just high on excitement. Rick stopped in a large parking lot across from the San Jose civic center and dropped us off, but then when I was getting out of the van I checked (thank you lord thank you!) my wallet, and it was GONE. My ticket wasn’t in my wallet! We frantically searched the van, and on the verge of tears, I reached down and miraculously grabbed a handful of sand, hair, lint, and my ticket. The graveled streets were smooth, yet rough underneath, and damp as the buildings bright lights reflected the water and shone up on us as we crossed the street screaming “AFI fucking rocks!” The line was enormous! It winded down Stevens Creek Boulevard. Like a snake of nephilims joining together to see the one and only, a fire inside. The cold night air surrounded us as we huddled close in the line. Someone behind us was like “Never in my life have I seen so many black sweatshirts!” which I thought was hilarious, because soon after franny took of her black norcal sweater and stuffed it in Lindz’s overstuffed purse. I was wearing my Social Distortion shirt Chris brought me when social D came to Santa Cruz, my combat boots (to own the pit) and the usual other necessary clothes. I started checking people out, because I was bored, when far away hanging outside the venue; I spotted a group of people. They seemed too important to be fans, and one was wearing a black and white beret, black jacket, with a blonde un-spiked Mohawk hanging out the left side, he looked Identical to hunter. Little did I know, they were groupies, and little did I know that was Smith, one of the bands friends. This daze was interrupted with a tap on the shoulder and a “ticket. Now.” I entered the venue, into the merch room, and the blare of feedback and gut wrenching vocals echoed in the auditorium. I glanced around the elaborate curtains and stuff, and then walked into the darkness. I felt a relief, since no one stopped me to check my ticket, and sort of ran straight over to crowd, to become invisible in a sea of people.
Throwdown:
“Whose this?” I asked franny, but she shrugged. I flung through the people lining the mosh pit, and ran in full force. No girls, just guys and me. This female ball of angst and energy. I searched for Brianna and begged her to come mosh w/ me, but with no avail, grabbed Lindz and Fran and set them on the lining of the pit. Slowly approaching the front, I glanced and spotted a guy I had conversed with at Abouche, a small coffee shop about a week before. We talked about Afi, where he’s seen them, and that my balcony seats were no problem and I could get to the pit easily. I waved at him, and he waved back shyly. In a nutshell, I hardly remembered much of Throwdown, since we came about 3 or 4 songs before their set was done, so I forgot much about them.
Intermission: (setting up: All bets off)
All lights came on in the auditorium and it was no longer a dark room, but almost like a lighted ballroom. While I was looking up at the balcony, the intermission music came on and I swear to god I will never forget this. “Anyway you want it, that’s the way you need it! Anyway you want it! (Neer nererenenrenrer ~guitar impression~)” blasted from the sound system and I literally jumped, it scared the shit out of me. Then, quickly fallowing was about 20 individual gasps of excitement; “Journey! Oh my god!” I muffled my laughter, because in front of me these bigheaded teenage guys were going ballistic. Pretty much every person in the audience shifted towards them, while they made a fool out of themselves jumping and screaming, shaking their shoulders back and forth…they must have been drunk. In the midst of all this, I don’t know how at all, but my attention was focused on something else. This guy, who somewhat resembled davey (in the good old devils lock days) simply bent over, and picked up a small red crayon…what the HELL was a red crayon doing approximately where the mosh pit was?! He examined it, laughed, and then got up again like nothing happened. This was hysterical to me, and I was laughing really hard at him, so he got sort of embarrassed and smiled. Another distraction alarmed me. “Shantel!” I heard, and swung around surprised. There was a group of girls and a guy, and a chick with black (and maybe green, I don’t remember) liberty spikes. “…Hey…uh…I totally didn’t recognize you--” but then it sparked in my mind it was Hara’s friend, Dana, she is totally awesome. She introduced me to her friends, and we talked for a while but when the conversation became dull, I used the bathroom as an escape tool. I got a little lost in the merchroom trying to find the Ladies room, when my eyes spotted “the fro”. A few feet away were Franny’s brother and his buds. The fro sensed me staring at it, and it growled at me as I walked past in up the never-ending flight of stairs that lead to the bathrooms. I got a little lost up there, and asked for direction…not looking up and realizing I was directly in front of it. When I got back, all bets off were starting so I swiftly made my way through the crowd to get a good spot. On the way I bumped into this junior at my school, he’s really awesome. We sort of just gave that look like “hey I know you!” and then he was like “hi.” But I guess he got embarrassed so kept on walking a little faster, haha. The lights dimmed…
All Bets off:
Slowly, I could feel the rising of the energy and the music began. Another unfamiliar band to me. They were a breed between metal, and horror punk. I loved the singer’s energy. “Californians have the best circle pits” and “Alright, if I don’t see the whole entire room in a circle right now, were not playing the next song”…ironically they did. At this point, I was struggling to get to the front when Lindz came up and tapped my shoulder. I was absolutely glad, because now I was not alone. She told me that she broke her rib and I just nodded…suuuuuure…(she was serious, though…but she didn’t.) so we lined the main pit. I was almost to the front, when another small pit was formed and all of a sudden the suffocating crowd leaned back and a giant wave of people knocked us all to the ground. This hot guy in front of me was trampled and suffocating for air underneath this fat ass guy, so I reached down my hand and pulled him up. Like a fish out of water he was practically choking when he came back up. He glanced around for his savior (muah) but I guess he didn’t see me. I was getting tired of struggling to live up front, so I lined the main pit again, moshed around with Lindz, and then settled next to a familiar face. It was the crayon guy again. His eyes were giant, like Jake Gyllenhal's, and were smothered in black eyeliner, with his devils lock misarranged and scattered over his pretty lips. He actually did look like a breed between Havok and Gillenhal. We caught eyes about a thousand times, and finally I leaned over to ask him his name but I think he pretended not to hear me out of shyness…or because I’m damn ugly, haha. So I gave up and skanked around the pit more. They did a “drug free” song that I remember the crowd went crazy and started screaming in, and then they covered Violent Femmes, “blister in the sun”. The crowd bellowed out the lyrics and we all knew every word. I had no clue how popular that song was…anyways. Sooner than expected, all bets off had all bets off…that means their set was over…Haha…yeah.
Intermission: (setup: you’ll find out soon)
Supposedly, Death by stereo was next. But then around me I heard murmurs that they weren’t playing tonight. Replacement band, I guess was going to play instead. Either way, I started going to the front incase the crowd started to push…and HARD they pushed. “Is AFI next?” I heard voices mutter. And as I looked up to the stage, a memory was burned into my brain, for some reason. On the kick drum while people were running around the stage setting up the next bands equipment, the guy testing the drums unraveled a flag across the kick drum to cover the plastic. It was the leaves of sing the sorrow. As soon as this happened and people started catching on that AFI was next, the whole crowd squeezed together as every single person in the crowd attempted to make their way up front, and hitting and pushing their way up. I went into a spasm, knowing that AFI was up next, so I started pushing as hard as I could to get up front. Never in my life have I seen such a strong force, I pushed with all my might and no one moved, we were just all packed in, like a game of Tetris. The whole room was like an overflowing 3d version of Tetris, and I made a game out of it. Each, say, 3 feet was 1 row, and I had just about 4 rows let until the barricade. I was getting sick of pushing and very tired, so I took a break and started watching the stage-set-er-up-er-people do their job. My heart absolutely sky rocketed when I though I saw hunter, but it was Smith the guy I saw outside the venue earlier. Its funny, they all sort of looked like members of the band; the guy testing the drums was either the drummer of all bets off or Throwdown, hooooottt J. Whilst playing Tetris, err, getting myself adjusted in the front, this girl turns around and introduces herself. She was absolutely wasted and started licking my arm. Her other friend, who was absolutely awesome apologized for her “my friend is SO drunk, and I hope afi starts soon because I have school in the morning…hah, probably going to sleep all throughout history.” I swear she must have been 7 feet tall! “Sorry If I’m in your way, just tell me if anyone starts pushing you and I’ll make sure to beat them up for ya.” I’d say they were in college. Meanwhile, I was resting my feet. The crowd was so intertwined that I lifted up my feet and the bodies kept me standing in an upright position. We talked for about 30 minutes, and other people that were practically sitting on us joined in on our conversation abut Tiger Army playing the warfield. I saw Dana in the first row and wanted to get up there but I tried, and couldn’t, we talk though. Drunky, still licking away, either that or sleeping my shoulder…it totally disgusted me but I didn’t want to be rude, plus, I was practically hanging my arms around this guy in front of me and same with everyone else. It was just so packed that people didn’t mind if you sat on their lap, haha. This awesome rockabilly chick was behind me and was like “he’s probably too busy applying makeup” after I asked what’s taking them so long. Then Drunky’s friend added in “or fitting into those spandex pants…hello I feel an orgasm coming on” haha!!! She was SO funny. The crowd beckoned for their devotion (AFI) by chanting, “through our bleeding/ we are one!” but it was more a mix of “DAMNIT HURRY UP!” or “Davey we love you!” We had literally waited 40 minutes now, I heard later that there was some technical difficulties, either that or Jade and Davey got in a brawl fighting over an eyeliner pencil. And then, it began-
A Fire inside:
Miseria Cantare:
The lights turned low, and the crowd pushed harder than ever before. The blue illuminating lights shining down on the sea of people and waves of pushing fans created the illusion of a black ocean. And then, I heard the thunder, the faint begging of Miseria Cantare. The atmosphere was incredible, this dark magical feeling rose as we all held our breaths in anticipation. The fists pumped into the misty air, a long with the crowd repeating “ love, your hate, your, fast lost, you, are now, one of us” and then, we stopped…thump three times, clank. And there was Adam, the pirate. I closed my eyes in just pure excitement when I heard the beautiful breathing blood thickening voice. “Nothing from nowhere I’m no one at all," Davey Havok.
It was PERFECT. Absolutely heavenly voice echoed throughout the auditorium. Long, curled black hair dangled gently over his white long sleeve shirt with black suspenders. He was going for the Edward scissor hands look. And oh those tight leather pants! Swirling blue lights caressed the crowd, and now they pushed harder than ever before. I could hardly stand up, when I felt a bite. SOMEONE BIT ME. What the hell?! I looked down at my arm and there was this annoying little chick, mouth level to my bite, with blue hair. I started singing along again, but then she bit me! Second time! I just called her a fucking piranha, and decided to move. I didn’t really like being in the front, and by now I’d lost Drunky and her awesome friends and was being pushed was back. So I just settled about 7th row back and continued watching. I was in-between the barricade and the pit, that vast open space there…except not open, crowded with a thousand people. I continued watching the band. His knee was in the air, resting his leg up on one of the stage speakers, when he gave the most intensifying glare I have ever seen.
He stared an almost unifying yet dark, grim glare. His eyes were lowered, and his jaw ajar as he pumped his fist into the blue mist. He almost looked hypnotized…haha…
Bleed Black:
Adrenaline pumped through my blood and the nervous feeling was gone. I felt belonging, staring amongst Davey as he welcomed the crowd, and begun Bleed Black. The begging of bleed black the panting and breathing became immense. The breathing stopped, as the guitar softly flowed out of the speakers, the drum pattern got louder, the guitar became belligerent, and the banner banged down as hunter swirled into the air and davey did his signature air kick.
They revealed the giant banners of black leaves, and again behind Adam fell down the gigantic sing the sorrow logo. No longer was there a blue alluring mist, but now shone a clean, bright light illuminating the stage only. Hunter was wearing all black, hah fruit of the loom…“ I have so many black T-shirts, Fruit of the Loom gave me my own private jet.”
As I was singing “I know/ what dies/that night/ It will never be brought back to life/ once again/ I know” I turned around and this girl behind me smiled as we both shared this ecstasy. It was a really unifying feeling, connecting and sharing the most important thing to you in the world with a total stranger, and their reaction and sharing it back. I got sick of the strong push, which by now I was almost on the ground, so I moved back and investigated a smaller 2nd pit that formed on “Jades side” of the crowd (the right side)
The leaving song pt. II:
As soon as jade picked through the first few notes of the leaving song pt. Two, the crowd let out a quiet gasp, as well ALL knew what was coming next. It was almost like someone picked me up, and placed me directly in the leaving song pt. Two video. I looked all around me, above me, in front of me, where as an unreality of slow motion occurred, as davey and hunter flung into the air, and jade stayed still, like frozen into time.
The pit roared, and as I explained before it was like a tornado of flaring arms and legs. People jumped and kicked, it was all just so mystical and realistic. Twirling, twisting, Davey did along with them. I sang every lyric and got many looks from people like I was a maniac, because my expressions were so dramatic.
His face was so beautiful as he sung, so elaborate. Jade sang along too, and they shared a mic…mmmm…Javey moment. His eyes were engulfed in a sea of black eye shadow, and his vivid brick red lips stood out more than anything else he was wearing. They were decorated with shining gems so when the light shone down; they sparkled and lit up the dark auditorium. Just everything was perfect, his movement, his cute little “hand on thigh” stage move he does ever so much. Perfect.
Dancing Through Sunday:
This song was completely, utterly, absolutely fucking AWESOME. By now I was lining the pit, and actually out of all the afi songs, this is the one I moshed the SHIT out of. Totally amazing. I glanced up at davey as he sang “I know we’ll leave a stain because we bleed as we dance/ we all dance/ we all-“ and then, I just went for it. Many people tell me they hate the solo of dancing through Sunday, I fucking love it. The split second jades guitar took over and his fingers blazed through the solo, I did the same and flung myself into the pit and destructed all in my way. I felt so empowered, as I sang with him in unison. I felt just like this song was for me. It just totally inspired me to dance, and dance I did.
Death of Seasons:
Yeah, by now I’m absolutely forgetting the order of the songs, some songs stick together though because I remember them by memories. I’m pretty sure after storming through Dancing Through Sunday’s pit; I ended up lining the top left corner. Death of seasons. As soon as the hunter began the beginning, the crowd went insane. Davey screamed the HELL out of that song, its no wonder he has a cyst. He sang, like he was dying, and I sang along with him. I just remember screaming so loud, and everyone else screaming along. Then, the crazy techno breakdown, god this song is hilarious. “It won’t be alright/ despite what they say/ just watch the stars tonight as they disappear/ disintegrate” davey screamed at the end of the song, a lot longer than it actually is in the song. I remember glancing up at him, and you couldn’t see his eyes, or hardly him. This song was unusually lit, it was so dark.
All you could hear was his voice, screaming, into the air.
Ever and a day:
This is such a brilliant song to begin with…Just everything about it is a perfect crowd pleaser. Davey kneeled down, men went crazy…yeah cough women too. The crowd was so loud! Literally, Davey gave us a quite amazed look, because we were almost twice as loud as him. I strained my ears to try to hear his voice, but the crowd was so compelling. It was, quite really, one of the highlights of the show when I glanced around this crowded room, and the fists. All I can remember, was the fists were punching through the blue mist and every single individual screamed out the “ooh, oh oh! OH, OHHHHHHH, OH, OHHH!” It was pretty funny though, I remember laughing at myself because at the end when he slows down, the music ceases, and then daveys voice rings out “Will you-”, then starts up again, I said it too fast and people sort of gave me this look like “you maniac, learn your damn lyrics” but I just loved it, Davey absolutely became attached to the crowd.
This time imperfect:
Somehow, I got myself adjusted again a little closer to the band, but still near the pits lining. While the band asked the crowd for suggestions what to play next, I heard a lot of songs called out, so I yelled out “High school football hero!” this guy turned around and gave me this look like “are you nuts?” So I laughed it off. At the time, I wasn’t yet even as much as a fan as I am now, and obviously wasn’t a sing the sorrow fan either. I knew it was going to be slow, and I knew I would never forget it. I had no clue what song it was, and at first I thought it was morning star so I got all amped up. Couples got on each other’s shoulders, and the room went black…except for a diminutive light shining on Davey, and the lighters glowing like stars in the crowd. At the moment, of course I know this was this time Imperfect. I literally looked around, and people were crying. It’s when, this feeling hit me. This is the most amazing band I’ve ever seen, been in the presence of, just ever. They touched so many people that night, and to be dead honest with you, I cried. It’s just the emotion that they put into this song; it’s so theatrical and stunning. Just how much you…
Days of the Phoenix:
This time imperfect had practically paralyzed me, and when the intense guitar beginning of Days of the phoenix began and clapping and jumping of Daveys stage antics, I soon became alert and tried to get to the barricade. They played the song a lot faster than it is on the Art of Drowning. With no avail of getting to the front, I just ended up in this gap in the crowd for people trying to crowd surf. This was before I knew crowd surfing at AFI shows were “disrespectful” to the members and the fans (please someone explain to me why?) so I tried a shot at it, but no one would let me up. Davey was absolutely chaotic during this song, same with Jade; they danced around the stage just really having a blast performing. He just kept on skipped all around stage all crazy. There, just, no. Nothing. Nothing at all beasts a davey smile.
I remember watching davey; he jumped up on Adam’s kick drum and started shaking his ass! It was amusing, and I turned around to this guy and he was like “Davey! I want your baby!” so I was like “me too!” and we laughed. They really extended after he belts out “no one can see meehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” for like, as long as possible. And there was this 10 seconds of dead silence, and then the music built up again. More adorable clapping and prancing, and it was over, finished marvelously.
Silver and Cold:
Oh my lord. I had anticipated this song the whole night. I kept on asking myself when an unfamiliar song would come on “when are they going to play silver and cold?” Silver and cold was my favorite off Sing the sorrow and I remember before the show telling myself, this is going to be the best song. Ever. Blue lightening flickered behind the band as the piano commenced lightly. Davey gazed into the crowd, and gave that death-defying look he did during Miseria Cantare.
Adam owned the song, sorry. The trademark drumbeat began and off flew my heart; this was my favorite song (was.) The lights were way low, very creepy, It actually felt like I was outside in the cold, raining, and thundering down on me…but then realization kicked in that I was in a crowd of thousands of people watching the most amazing people ever. They kicked up the tempo of Silver and Cold, and god is davey beautiful. Must I say that consistently? Yes. I only speak the truth. I remember saying to myself “that’s IT. I have to crowd surf” (shoot me.) so I was jumping on hot guys backs the whole time trying to get me up…didn’t work, but it was satisfying. Quite a compassionate song live…it just made me feel sad. I don’t know, I was sort of let down that I didn’t have anything to remember for it, I wanted to be looked in the eye, or sang to, or felt superior, but I was just struggling so hard and didn’t really accomplish anything. One way or another, I got pretty close to the barricade. I was singing with this other girl, and we both just smirked and sang to each other. So, so absolutely breathtaking he was.
“Cold in life throws, I’ll fall asleep for you” …well I was pertaining to Davey, but Jade too. How the hell is Jade so skinny? I just kept wondering how I got into that jacket…it must have been a size 4 in the little girls compartment. Cute, he tucked in his pink tie…what is with these ties? Jade! Lord of the pink ties and neck chokers…oh lordy…Anyways, back to Silver and Cold. Disappointing, yet supernatural.
Girls Not Grey:
About 50 % of the people who showed up were basically sing the sorrow fans, or that and a breed of MTV addicts, but the rest of the people were awesome. No matter who you were, everyone knew what song was next…they just, it’s like when your in the car, and you are like “wait…” and even though the dumb ass radio dj is talking about something utterly ridiculous, you wait, and then AFI comes on. Its like…you know when they are there. Well…I do. And trust me, we all knew Girls not grey was next. Personally, I really didn’t like that song (now I do), but you could 0just feel this energy. They were insanely hyper, Davey kicking and singing to kids in the audience, hunter swirling around…well actually Jade is god of swirling around, I don’t know how he does it with his Gibson. I was watching the band, jumping up and down, screaming and just having a blast, when I look in front of me and there’s this intensely striking guy, who was talking behind me during the Throwdown intermission. He had taken off his shirt, and was drenched in sweat. He sort of looked like “Gamestop”, and his black shaggy hair dripped on his face. I noticed he was helping people up, so I sort of smiled at him and while davey was singing the slow part of gng I rested on his back…because I was tired, yeah J. Jade got closer to davey, and the left side of the stage (cough Javey moment) and the buildup of the song happened…I took my eyes of the stage for a second and he motioned me “want up?” I nodded manically, and him and this strong guy lifted me up. It was so amazing, I felt like god…oh Jesus don’t ban me like they did the Beatles…shit I said Jesus too…anyways…I kept on looking down at my shirt because it was revealing my stomach, it was like a sea of hands griping you…but it was still fun (no I’m not a first timer crowd surfer…afi was just…different…probably don’t want to do it again). It was the last 15 minutes of the song, and as I approached the barricade I felt the hands drift me into the arms of the security guards. I was so close to davey, about 2 feet, so while the bouncers were trying to grab me from the barricade, I screamed for him and he smiled. Still, I can’t tell if he heard me and smiled at me, but for the final 4 seconds of the song he sang directly in my eyes. I tell myself I’m over exaggerating, but I really don’t think I am. They were so nice to the fans, pointing at them and singing to them, just wow. Girls not grey, singed into my memory forever.
Brief 1-minute intermission:
The security guards sure were rough, I can tell they don’t like crowd surfers…I mean neither do I but hell, it was pleasurable. They just sort of grabbed me and threw me down over the barricade. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and had to make my way back into the crowd again from the side. I always feel bad for the people on the sidelines, like they are missing out. I don’t recall as much as Franny and Brianna do about this split second intermission because I was still hyped up about Girls not grey, but I guess in the midst of Davey saying hey to the audience he dropped his microphone and mumbled “ugh really fucking smooth davey” haha…so cute when he speaks in third person…and when it gets overheard by the microphone. I honestly, really don’t know why he did this, but I remember him being like “So how many people are from the…(pause) NORTH SIDE?” Segregated cheers from the audience were heard. “…EAST SIDE?!” More screams. “…SOUTH SIDE?!” Not as much, but a few cheers were heard, and then, so fucking random, “WEST SIDE…FUCK YOU!” and the crowd roared, and some boo’s. I still don’t get it…I think he talked a little bit about California, Berkeley, and “No matter what California is the best to have shows” or something like that, I don’t really recall, I wasn’t listening, I was too giddy.
Cruise Control:
The intermission was quite brief, so I was still making my way through the crowd. They were brick solid, so I stayed in the back lining for a little while. I got really pumped up for Cruise Control, because I had never heard it before. It was crazy, totally not what I expected. At the time I wasn’t really an old school AFI fan and I just thought to myself in the middle of all this…wow…they’ve changed. I couldn’t understand a word he was saying, all I could hear was “SO FUCK YOU” and I was like, hah, wow your talented. Ouch.
Anyways, chaos occurred, and to the people who knew the song I’m sure they had a blast, If only I knew that song then I would have gone manic. Jesus…I need to seem them again, if they played cruise control, I think I will die.
Totalimmortal:
After a sequence of nodding my head and laughing during Cruise control, finally a song I was familiar with. Seeing as at the time, I really didn’t know too many AFI songs, Totalimmortal was recognizable, but I didn’t know the words. He screams so, well, for anyone who has seen the Third Season music video, just so demonic. I watched hunter practically the whole song, and came to the conclusion he’s really seducing. Just the way he tends to get his face stuck in awkward poses.
The room was red, and when not watching the band I would just gaze into the mosh pit. They moshed differently, not the usual AFI style, but just like a tornado. Glancing through the twisting people, so many people were wearing nightmare before Christmas attire. Either that, or a nephilims shirt. I remember two guys during this song, one of the guys had this huge ass Nightmare before Christmas tattoo on his right arm and I was like whoa. This scrawny tall guy, sort of reminded me of Jack, was wearing this really cool AFI shirt, and he was hot. Goddamnit why can’t I remember anything, bare with me, it’s been like 6 months and I’m trying to pry the memories free from my brain but it wont let me. In a nutshell, Totalimmortal had a different energy…it gave of this vibe like it wasn’t 2003; it was around the era of the A.F.I. EP…yeah you would just have to be there I guess. All of the sudden, detaching from the band I had this crazy feeling that I was alone, well I mean I was but it sort of hit me that “wow, I should go find my friends.” So I started backing up, and heading towards the back of the auditorium. I passed the lighting box where everyone crowded around and went back up those never ending flight of stairs in the merchroom. I hadn’t been on the balcony yet, and I looked around and no one was in their seats. I checked where Brianna and Lindsay were supposed to be, and they weren’t there. But they weren’t in the crowd! I looked everywhere, but I gave up and turned left into the girl’s bathroom. After drenching myself in water, absorbing all I could, I went back to the show. I could hear the lost souls playing downstairs and I hummed along as I entered the auditorium again. The lost souls was about half way done by the time I reached the front, and I decided since the show was almost over I should go to the barricade again. This is impossible, but I still made it pretty close.
Morning Star:
Oh. Like…seriously I can’t even say: oh my god. It’s not enough; there is no word describable (SHUT UP YOU EMO PUSSY FRUITCAKE!) See? It’s like, I bet your reading this thinking Jesus Christ this girl is emotional…but seriously, this was one of the best songs (beside God Called in sick today…and Goddamnit if he does it again, ~shakes fist~)
The lights went completely off, and in the middle of the stage shown one, blue light down on davey. He kneeled on his knees as Jade stood behind him, and he sang. Just, his expressions, you knew when he was going to play it. He sang it perfectly, so beautifully. Like, I can’t even explain. Everyone in the whole room was looking straight at him, and everyone was singing along, especially me. I was putting all my energy into it and I sang along as if I was kneeled right next to him on the floor. He added so much drama too it, the song commenced and he would just collapse onto the ground and lie there singing. I just said to myself Goddamnit why the hell didn’t I bring a camera? It was a lot like this time imperfect, lighters swayed in the audience and many people had tears in their eyes, I didn’t cry, I was too happy. Morning star, you expect it to be this depressingly beautiful song, and it is. But the drama Jade, Adam, Hunter, and especially Davey put in to it, I grinned the whole time. Morning star was my favorite, and I sang so loud this chick turned around in front of me and gave me this look like “SHUT UP I cant hear davey”, if only I was closer to him maybe he would have heard me. Amazingly, utterly, not even describing how much passion I felt, just. BLAH!
No poetic device:
I was really happy, like at this point, because so far I expected WAY more sing the sorrow, but they played a lot of their old stuff, which is really awesome. I knew this song pretty well because I had Black sails and STS because my other cd’s got ripped off, So I screamed the lyrics a lot and hummed along, hehe. However sadly to report, my memory is drained from this, I’m pretty sure most the time though I was just wandering around and trying to make my way to the front, but then I went back to get water…again. Stupid stupid stupid. Word to the wise: don’t ever leave an AFI show! So I was thirsty, skipped up the steps really fast (and tripped and made a face plant on the way down…stupid…) humming along to no poetic device. I almost ran into this really cool rockabilly chick and she gave me a really startled look…what can you say? I was trying not to miss too much of the show. I made it back to the crowd as quickly as possible, and was getting pretty tired...but then…
God called in sick today:
This is like, the mother load, of the afi songs. The crowd was getting really anxious for it I could tell. Literally, the crowd went insane. Everyone shuffled together to get the front, and sadly it didn’t HIT me why until the last second, but I’ll explain that later.
“I can’t help my laughter as she cries, my soul brings tears to angelic eyes…” That, that moment is like etched into my brain. Forever, EVER. He was almost swaying across the stage; I remember he moved around a lot. Every single person in the audience knew the words to the song, and sang so faithfully. He sang not to loud, so the crowd could echo back to him. And all of a sudden it hit me,
HOLY. SHIT. HES GOING TO JUMP.
I started pushing and screaming as fast as I could, but at the same moment so did everyone else. Screaming his name, which was quite pointless, and then he jumped. He disappeared into the crowd and then I looked up and he was so close to me. As your reading this, look up now and close your eyes. His hand wrapped carefully around the microphone and grazed the top of my head as he stretched out across the sea of hands keeping him up. Continuing calling out his name every time I shouted he became closer and closer, he kneeled upon the crowd, and then the bouncers grabbed him and threw him back on stage. It was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen, when he got back on stage he just collapsed there. He looked TERRIFIED. I’m pretty sure someone grabbed his balls, but he just huddled up into this little ball near Adams drum set and laid there in pain…maybe he was just being a drama queen to add emotion to the song, but everyone saw it. We all looked around at each other like “what the fuck?” They extended the song for a while because davey wouldn’t get up, but then he did again, but stayed clear from the crowd for a while. And finally the ever waited drum and buildup…WHOAH! I can’t help my laughter as she cries! And we all whoaed for him, hunter and jade too into their mic’s. I was really pissed at myself for not being able to hold davey up, but it’s alright there’s always a next time. The song ended and the crowd screamed so ear splitting that I’m surprised I didn’t go deaf, but I was screaming too. I’m surprised I didn’t loose my voice. Everyone roared in applause and davey came close to the stage (slowly…just in case, you know, haha) and bowed. It was so pretty! His long hair flipped in front of his face and he extended his arms to each side, and a shrill “good night San Jose” was heard.
The Aftermath:
The lights came back on in the auditorium. I quickly started going to the front, since everyone was leaving, just in case I could ketch a glimpse of the band, but this security guard guy was telling everyone to go back they aren’t coming out. I think Davey was grumpy that night…I managed to grab a ticket off the ground, and started making my way to the merchroom. People flooded the merch room and I went over to see the AFI stand where some of the members of all bets off were sitting around the tables. Lindsay and Brianna came up to me and apparently we had lost Anna and Franny then ran up to us. I wanted to stay, I begged to stay, but Lindsay was like NO we have to go get dad. Pfft…that sucked, but oh well, I was still happy. Lindsay called Anna’s cell phone and I guess they were upstairs getting water. I ran up too, goddamn those steps. I hated those steps. We all poured into the bathroom and I drenched my face in the sinks. My hair was like a blonde and pink Afro and my face was really red, but I was still content. On the way down the damn steps I was really intrigued by this girl’s shirt, it was the Sing the sorrow shirt with all the dates on it and I kept on staring at her back. She gave me this really scared look and walked a little faster, haha. I saw the Abouche guy again, and then it hit me. Holy SHIT that’s Brandt Frandle! Ah, this was not good. He went to my school when he was in 8th and I was in 7th grade, and Claire told me a thousand times: that guy looks JUST like Brandt…she was right. He was hanging out with some sophomores that went to my school, and I quickly escaped his view. I saw smith by the merch table, and wanted to say hi but Lindsay grabbed my arm (oww. Fucking piranha…) and exited the building, entering the cold night air. We walked briskly past the people sitting on the curb of the sidewalk, and then I saw the hot guy that helped me crowd surf from Girls not grey. I got really excited and smiled at him; he gave me this funny look and then smiled back. The first thing that came out of Lindsay’s mouth (once we gave her a chance to speak, haha) was “I TOUCHED DAVEY! I HELD HIM UP!” At this point I wanted to kill her.
“You WHAT?”
“I got to touch his thigh!”
“What did it feel like?!”
“Uh…human leg?”
“Oh shut up…seriously?”
“Yeah haha, I got lifted up too and his hair smelt like herbal essences
(Franny) “YEAH! Herbal essences! That fruit fusion kind”
“GOD you lucky bitches I hate you!”
“His sweat is on my leg you know…”
“…I would lick you Lindsay, but I’m not a lesbian…~licks Lindsay’s leg~”
“Eww get off me!”
We met Rick standing near the fountain; the lights were still shining down reflecting back on us through the tiled streets, it was so dark, yet so bright, it was an artificial aura though. Rick lead us into this building, it was SO fricking bright compared to the insides of the Civic auditorium. We kept on saying everything about the show. Lindsay was like “I liked that song where he screamed fuck you! A lot” and I was laughing, and it hurt because my body was so frail. I explained to them about all the hot men, the girls not grey guy, the Havok/Gillenhal guy, it was great. We all shouted to a group of guys that was at the show, and they shouted “GREAT SHOW!” backs, it was grand. We emerged onto the freeway, and passed a few hotels. I couldn’t help thinking “I wonder if AFI is staying at that hotel…” everyone one I passed. In the car me and franny god in this big bitch fight because she didn’t believe me about Girls not grey and the fact that davey sang close to me, and then I got mad at her and people told me to shut up because I was over reacting. We all calmed down and got a little lost trying to find a quick stop because we were TOTALLY dehydrated. We all stumbled out of the van and got Sprite Remix’s, those things were SO good…in fact I think I got two…or maybe I got a sprite remix and a coke, yea that’s it. I think I got candy too, I can’t remember. I was really exhausted, and memories were flashing a thousand miles an hour in my brain. The talk of the show didn’t even die down one bit. We talked about the Journey guy, Morning Star, ever and a day, god called in sick today, just everything. Especially Davey…Why didn’t I look at the rest of the band more? It was lame…I should have. Because the only person I strongly remember is Davey, well and Adam in Silver and Cold. We eventually reached Scotts Valley and started belting Journey’s “anyway you want it, that’s the way you need it!” and twisted sister’s “WERE NOT GONNA TAKE IT! OH WERE NOT GUNNA TAKE IT!” it was HILARIOUS, we sang all the way to Lindsay’s, after dropping off Rachel, Franny, and Brianna…actually I think franny spent the night at Lindsay’s, yeah. They all went inside and I met my mom outside Lindsay’s house, she stayed out there with me and talked to my mom forever, it was like an hour we just talked and talked but then I almost passed out of tiredness so I went into the car and finally my mom came too.
In a nutshell:
Well, I mean there’s so much to say about AFI, and for people who have seen them live its just such an experience. The next morning when I arrived at school I literally tripped out of the car onto the pavement and ran screaming to my friends (top, falling down much) explaining everything about it. For weeks, people couldn’t get us to shut up. I would be like in World Studies: HEY FRANNY! Remember when?…and people would roll their eyes at us, oh well. It was so worth it.
